Sometimes that which we intend to avoid has the greatest impact on us. That is often something, someone or some place that we know the least about and are therefore the least attracted to and the most uncomfortable with. That normally happens to me in choices of food, movies, music, people or places. Typically, their appearance either doesn’t appeal to me or intimidates me resulting in avoidance versus attempting to discover what they may offer.
I attended a leadership conference once with the goal of coming away with a minimum of one concept that would impact how I improve as a leader. Looking over the session topics and schedule, there was one topic that made the opposite impression and did not interest me, so I planned some work for that time slot in the schedule. I connected to the internet the entire day and could easily shift my attention away from the session and onto the keyboard without leaving my seat.
When the time came for that session to begin, I opened my Notebook and began focusing on other things. As the speaker meekly introduced her topic, I couldn’t resist listening just a little to see what she had to say prior to diving into my work. Her approach was unlike the other speakers. She lacked a dynamic, overt passion, and outward enthusiasm that existed in every other session. Initially, the difference commanded my attention because it was so unique. Little by little I diverted to her talk and felt not only curious but wonderfully enlightened by what she was saying.
The session topic was “Quiet – Challenging the Extrovert Ideal”. The title struck me as a boring and candidly rebellious topic. I like a bit of rebellion, but this topic was one of those “yah, yah, yah” topics when I read it in the playbook. It seemed like a talk where the speaker’s intention was to say, “So now I want to justify my behavior”. And, in addition, “Allow me to tell you how smart, important and special I am”. Boy was I wrong and right at the same time! Yes, the speaker was telling us how smart, important and special she was, but in a way that opened my eyes to value right in front of me I may have been missing because of a misunderstanding of how introvert personalities can deliver unseen value.
Susan Cain was the speaker for that segment of the conference, and she was a self-professing introvert. Either Susan was a great actor, or she surely was the genuine article. She seemed timid and almost uncomfortable on stage. And yet, the impact of her delivery, her thoughtful content and her convictions were powerful. It opened my eyes to new possibilities when assessing people, especially the “shy and quiet” type. I suddenly realized that I should shed the stereotypical view of out-front, overtly assertive leadership and instead seek quality, deep-down leadership capabilities. Because of Susan’s talk, I now know that they both can bring the same talents to the table and same abilities to lead, just in different formats or approaches. The key is being able to recognize those valuable differences and help those individuals flourish regardless of whether they are extroverts, introverts or somewhere in between.
According to Susan “somewhere in between people” are “hybrids”. That is a delightful label isn’t it? Sounds like a car or a new strain of corn. Being an “in-between “personality. Perhaps it is one who is a natural extrovert and wants to become more laid back or withdrawn so they learn behaviors that become part of their DNA, thus moving them to center or to a more “hybrid” state – not too extroverted and more introverted. They can very be what we think of as a big personality, and yet somewhat reserved in the way they approach life.
Conversely, a natural introvert can become more extroverted by stepping out of their comfort zone to be more openly social in business and non-business situations to be more visible, seem more confident and exude a more extroverted persona. After gaining a better understanding of this hybrid, I relate well. I believe I am one of “those”. Growing up shyer than most of my playmates, teammates and classmates, I understand the need to have solitude and avoid being in crowded parties and other events for extended periods. Standing in front of classmates at my tiny high school to present a history project was one of the most painful activities that I remember having to deal with in school.
Having gone through a transformation from introvert to hybrid I understand the difficulty of finding a place in society and especially in a business (sales) that rewards introverts versus overlooking them. That was the gist of Susan Cain’s message (from my perspective) and it hit me in the pit of my stomach. I immediately began to search my leadership past to determine how many people and who they were that perhaps I had overlooked because they were neither extrovert nor hybrid personalities. Were there some that I missed because I followed conventional wisdom of spending time with “top performers” versus seeking deep down talent that needed to only be uncovered and then encouraged? How about you?
I don’t really know if I always dig deep enough when assessing talent. What I know is that I am more careful and thoughtful when assessing talent since watching and listening to Ms. Cain on stage and then reading her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. It comes in different forms and delivery methods and I don’t want to miss anything. I recommend that all leaders do the same. Overlooking a gem of an introvert is still overlooking a gem.