We have all heard that smiling requires fewer muscles than frowning. I am not certain I was ever been able to validate that, particularly by simply performing self-testing. Perhaps some of you have witnessed more conclusive evidence by the effects you have experienced. To me smiling feels as if I am using more muscles but since the theory has been scientifically proven, why not just accept the clinical research as accurate? One thing I do know, it is much more fun and satisfying to smile than to frown!
Just this morning I was talking with a dear friend and we discussed confrontational communication and the impact it has. My friend is excellent at diffusing difficult conversations. I admire that trait. Conversely, I feel as if I have grown to dislike them so much that I sometimes choose to avoid those conversations. I recognize that I have transitioned from being someone who rarely avoided an argument to someone who disdains them and therefore must be intentional about my response to potentially heated encounters. My leadership ability is tested by this acquired disposition. During those times I am forced to leave my comfort zone to do what is best for everyone involved. As my friend pointed out, it is better to resolve issues than to allow them to fester. I don’t agree completely and believe there are times when stepping away from a controversial situation may provide time for minds to adjust and become more thoughtful and rational. Regardless of which works best, there are few arguments against being pleasant verses adversarial to effectively communicate when there is disagreement.
When communicating you should always focus on the person that you communicate with; seeking a response from them to ensure that you are properly communing and speaking or writing concisely, clearly and simplifying your message. But there is more. There is tone, whether written (we will address email at another time) or verbal, and there is also the consideration for body language if communicating face to face.
Today, the Cornerstone Moment message is simple – smile more and laugh whenever you feel like it! Why, you ask – particularly when you don’t feel like smiling and may be feeling tremendous stress? Like the frowning versus smiling muscle usage, I recently heard that smiling relieves stress and consequently can help us live longer. Living longer could be a good thing for several reasons. For those like myself, you need all the time you can find to improve. Since until dead, we are not done, the greater the longevity the better. Furthermore, if smiling relieves internal tension, you will also feel greater peace and contentment by smiling more. From personal experience, the more I smile and laugh (particularly at myself) the more contentment I feel.
It makes sense that smiling while stressed normally requires intentional effort since we don’t feel like it and it won’t happen naturally. The intentional component of this seems a very beneficial action. Doing anything intentionally requires focus. Focusing on smiling to relieve pressure must be a healthy activity and will create a bit of a pause to assist with our composure. So, even without the study sample statistics in front of me, I am buying into this theory. Do you agree?
Additionally, when considering how people respond to communication, it seems we may respond differently when relaxed than when feeling uptight or pressured. If we smile (even under duress) those we are talking to may feel more secure and willing to communicate openly with us. Open communication results in more truthful dialogue. Need we explore this notion any further?
Remember comedian Phyllis Diller? If not, you missed out on one heck of a character and an exceptionally funny human being. Phyllis lived to be 95 years old. Watching her with her Einstein-like hair and wild eyes, and listening to her course, scratchy sounding voice one might perceive her as unhealthy, “kooky” or both. However, some have attributed her longevity to – guess what? That’s right…her ability to smile and laugh. Stress may shorten your life and also cause a state of being that is uncomfortable. If uncomfortable, you may become guarded due to fear and therefore in an unnatural condition. Some illnesses are diagnosed as psychosomatic, or a physical illness or other condition caused or aggravated by a mental factor such as internal conflict or stress. If you can laugh at yourself or smile a lot, you will be less likely be occupied by illness. And we surely need all the help we can find to stay healthy.
If smiling is infectious, is healthy and is a better way to communicate, why not fill the building and the telephone lines with intentional smiles and laughter and see what happens? You may just step a little closer to communication “mastery” and even live longer. What do you have to lose but some unhealthy interchange and stress?