What a concept – living beyond yourself! Have you ever thought of what that means to you? To me, it means leaving “me” behind and focusing on “you” or something other than me. It means seeking to be aware of my surroundings and the people who are part of that. It means wanting to help others do better, be more content and find significance in their lives.
I think that leaders regardless of title or role can be categorized into three groups regarding where they live. The leaders that I am referring to are all of you and me, whether an individual contributor at home, in the office, at school, in a volunteer position or an assembly line worker. Of course, there are always exceptions, and probably many of you reading this will find flaws in my logic and examples, but this blog intends to get you to think about where you live and whether that is really where you deep-down want to be. I have come to love people more and more and have also grown to understand that we are not all where we want to be or who we want to become yet. Simply put, we are all still a work in progress.
I think that some leaders, and remember, we all influence so we all are leaders to some degree, live in the “me” realm. By that I mean that those people are focused on achieving what they want to make, obtaining what they want to receive and get desired rewards.
Many years ago, I had a documented goal of making $N dollars during that year. That was a “me” goal. In 2016 I had a modest goal of hiking three 14,000-foot peaks in Colorado. That was a “me” goal. Neither of those goals was intended to benefit anyone other than me. There was no attachment to the $N dollar figure, and no other person benefited from the hiking goal.
As a former marathon runner, I was doing it for “me” and no one else. In fact, now I feel as if I was selfish in accomplishing that feat due to all the time I had to spend training and away from my family. I am not telling any of you runners that you are selfish, but I, when looking back, feel that way about all the time that I spent training. I was very internally focused, and I paid relatively little attention to the external around me. I was concentrating on my success. Those three just mentioned achievements were the basis for a large part of my success during those specific times. And that was living very much within myself.
Another place where leaders live is in the “out there.” Those leaders are perhaps extremely externally focused. External focus is a positive attribute in the correct context. However, in the “out there” world there is very little internal grounding or identity. Identity becomes dependent on others, trends, popularity, and variables that lead an individual to behave in a certain way.
Another way of describing this way of living is when someone becomes misaligned with his or her values. Therefore, those values seem washed away by the waves of outside influence. And we all know that there are waves out there that are tsunami-like. They sweep across society, and people either willingly ride them, are unwillingly swept away by them, or anchor themselves to something to avoid the effect of the momentum. For some, this is a lifetime struggle between two contrasts. For others, it is no struggle at all, and they merely ride on. Leaders who live in the “out there” are likely to be trendy, may struggle to make unpopular decisions and want to be liked by everyone. Their popularity is often the basis for a large part of their success and identity.
The third place where leaders live is in a “you” place. This place is one that includes a unique combination of characteristics that may seem unusual to some and uncomfortable to others. It is not a “me” place, but it has plenty of deep-rooted personal characteristics. And it is not an “out there” place, but it has an abundance of external thinking as a major portion of its makeup. The essence of the “you” place is that the leader views other people as very important and considers what happens to them and how they do as very important. People who have a manager, coach, teammate, friend, spouse or partner who focuses on their success will be happier and more productive. It doesn’t mean that the other person is soft and always wants to be accepted, but it does say that they focus not just on what they achieve but on how well others are doing. I contend that leading in this way requires lots of love. That love can come in many forms and can include tough love.
The reality of life is that our dreams are often not realized. Therefore, staying the course and not giving in to the easy way out is required to continue growing toward the end goal. Difficulties will occur and require courage, faith, and determination to carry on living in the “you” place. If it were easy, everyone would be there, but the truth is that it is a road less traveled. The stress of balancing where you live to be a “you” leader is substantial. It can be hard! It requires using your success to help others with theirs and that, as John Maxwell contends, becomes your significance in life and is living beyond yourself.
Where do you see yourself today? Where do you desire to be? Do you have the faith and determination to know that you may never reach your dreams and still stay the course and keep doing things to help you move in that direction? You may just be comfortable where you are and have no need to aspire to anything different than what you are today. There is no right answer beyond what you think, but it is good to know where you are living and whether it is beyond yourself or within yourself.