The recent Memorial Day weekend was hopefully your best. Sometimes memorials are the best and sometimes the opposite.
I had a great time with old and new friends, my son and his fiancée while enjoying some great food, lots of laughs and a fun time at a Major League Baseball game. It doesn’t get much better than that.
Memorials are wide-ranging and therefore not always representative of the same things, emotions, experiences or memories. Those swing like a pendulum, depending on the occasion, circumstance or effects. We all know what Memorial Day represents in the U.S. The definition of the word memorial is: Something that keeps remembrance alive such as a monument, keepsake, momento, record, memoir or note. Synonyms for ‘memorial’ include: rememberance, honorary and reminder.
Memorials serve multiple purposes. They could be monuments that mark a place where something special occurred. aThey could be speeches commemorating an occasion (i.e. Memorial Day), or in celebration of an accomplishment (graduation or some other achievement). You may have memorialized in your mind a person, event or achievement of your own or a loved one that makes you smile and feel proud. When I was young, I memorialized my Dad, who was handsome, strong, athletic, hardworking and popular.
Keepsakes such as trophies, certificates, plaques, gifts, souvenirs are a big part of many of our lives. They usually remind us of something emotionally edifying from our past. Most of these examples are positive and good. I received a significant number of such commemorative tokens from high school until now. Some were for athletic awards and many were for business achievements. There were also a few gifts and purchased souvenirs mixed in with the lot. I would bet you can name several or many of your own. You likely still have them around somewhere or indelibly etched in your recollection.
Then there are those other memorials with a different impact. They too may be indelibly etched in your mind. However, the impact differs from the commemoratives, which were celebratory. The fact is, some memories are not pleasant. Deaths of loved ones, broken relationships, failed ventures, mistakes made, words spoken, decisions rendered and so much more. I still grieve the loss of my best friend who died in his own plane crash. That was nearly 20 years ago yet I miss him today and the Easter’s we spent together, summer vacations on the lake we enjoyed and jokes about our age and remaining hair. We loved each other and had a spiritual and cultural kinship that bound us as closely as our birthdays being only one week apart. I was the older, and he picked on me about that. He had less hair, and I picked on him about that. You know what I mean!
Those are the upsides and downsides of memorials and memories. They may be positive and have that kind of impact on you or they may be negative and conversely do the same. It is like life and death. Life is existing and death is non-existent. Life is eternal and death is terminal.
The impact of memorials and memories should never be discounted or brushed aside. Losing my friend Bob created a void in my life that still exists today. I don’t dwell on it, but the memory remains. I am happy for him because I firmly believe he is in paradise, but I am missing a meaningful part of my life I won’t have until we meet again. And, though not a burden it still pains me. What has happened in your life that pains you?
When these events occur, they can become burdens. It is up to us to grieve them and then focus on what we should be grateful for and going on living while choosing to be joyful and of a positive mindset and heart set. Contrarily, some things that happen to us may enlighten us. Have you ever decided wrong for the situation and then learned a great lesson from it? If not, you may not have had to make many decisions. How about statements you have made, names you have called others or accusations against them that were unjustified? Hopefully, you repented and took away a new perspective and changed behavior.
Memorials can act as great motivators for you. If your hero is someone you want to emulate and he or she is a positive role model, go for it! You will be glad you did, regardless of the cost. Perhaps you are an athlete and grew up adoring a successful professional in some sport. Copying behavior to help you get better is a wise trait. If in business, practicing outstanding leadership behavior will surely have a positive impact on those around you and yourself.
At a point in my life nearly a decade ago I surmised that memories and memorials alike were potentially serving as anchors in my life. Not anchors I needed, but those keeping me from moving and growing. Anything that obstructs growth is not worth holding onto. So, I developed a new life-motto and ditched all the commemoratives in my possession. My new motto became ‘Don’t put up with your past’. It inspired me to work on myself more in continuous improvement. I sent my trophies to the landfill. I could no longer get stuck in reminisce mode as I stared at the walls and shelves of my office. What I accomplished in the past was good but nothing to make me move forward today and tomorrow. And what I had done in the past was nothing that should act like concrete boots, so I had to let go. Some call that anchor, baggage. We all have it, but how we treat it makes all the difference. If it is bad baggage, does the shoe still fit today? If so, take action and get help to turn it loose and change who you are. If good memories, cherish and celebrate them but don’t forget that if you are not dead, you are not done, so go make more of those wonderful memories that will become cherished memorials.