Do you ever find yourself stuck in a place where you have many questions and few answers? And moreover, the answers that you do come up with are not settling, but leave you asking more questions? If you are currently in that place, you know how derailing your condition can become. And at the very least it can be emotionally and intellectually stressful. Sometimes you may not know why you are feeling the way you are, so it can be helpful during those times to ask questions of yourself to help understand what you are dealing with and why it may be occurring. Getting to the bottom of your feelings, which come from your autonomic nervous system, can be very enlightening and helpful when attempting to modify behavior. Understanding that autonomic responses, either physical or emotional are essentially uncontrollable is fundamental. Understanding that you can modify those behaviors through intellectual, spiritual, physical behavior and nutritional intake may assist in attaining a change in your life.
There are numerous questions that you can search for answers to and I would like to explore some of the questions in this blog. I am not clinically qualified or credentialed so will be writing from my own life experiences and what I have learned through extensive study for personal improvement. The seven questions that come to mind for me are:
1. How do you feel loved and lovable when feeling alone and unworthy?
Feeling loved is fundamental to emotional stability. Even when upset, knowing that you are loved is critically important to good health. Have you ever felt unloved or unlovable? If so, you know how many emotions can enter your picture and effect not only how you feel, but how you behave. People who think they are unloved and unlovable will likely have problems with relationships, which can show up from the office to parenting to hanging out with friends to romantic partnerships. Perhaps a preventative measure to loneliness and unworthiness is to understand that you are truly valuable and that all of us are created equal, regardless of our lot in life. For me, the key to this assurance is that I truly believe, as is written in scripture, that God loves me just as I am. Who could possibly be more important in my life? Wherever your assurance comes from, be certain that the source is rock solid and not as shifting sand.
2. How do you feel secure when disoriented?
On days if ever disoriented for some reason, how does it affect you? Are you scattered with your daily workflow? Do you have difficulty completing tasks? Losing interest, feelings of depression, sensing being incapable or confused may be consuming. What is your anchor in life? Without one, you could feel adrift and perhaps purposeless. Tie your ship to a stable pier such as mentor, pastor, or trusted friend.
3. How to find strength when feeling weak?
Often disorientation spawns an uncontrolled desire to withdraw and be removed from circumstances that may require adjusting your normal or stretching yourself because of a fear of failure. Fear is often debilitating and draining thus accelerating the sensation of the sapping of strength. Know this: fear is a liar! Fear can only hurt you if you believe it and behave in a way that it has control of you. Acknowledging fear is a great beginning to dealing with it in a healthy way. Understanding that fear is only fear and not an animate object with the capability to hurt you is a great next step. Not allowing fear to derail your life or obstruct your progress will develop in you a normal that will be less and less affected by the presence of the liar.
4. How can you be confident when afraid?
Being afraid of failure evaporates confidence like water left on the road after a light rain shower in the desert. It is gone in no time. Regaining confidence can be difficult to impossible for some. I firmly believe that momentum is a derivative of confidence or the lack thereof in the case of negative momentum. If you deal with fear as prescribed, you will almost certainly overcome it and with that, your confidence will grow and grow. Take it from one who knows, confidence replacing a lack of confidence is an amazing gift that just keeps on giving.
5. How can you be hopeful when you feel doubtful?
If you doubt anything good is going to occur, what can you hope for? Hoping for something unhealthy or harmful will happen to you is not human nature. However, expecting the worse is a common trait. That can only happen where there is a hope void. Being secure with yourself or as is often said, comfortable in your own skin (versus trying to be like someone else) is a great doubt remover. If generally confident, doubt will be a fleeting emotion. And confidence comes from diminishing fear through knowing who you are and that you are valuable and loved.
6. Where can you find peace when you are unsettled?
Where the lack of hope exists, so does the lack of peace. I have yet to meet anyone who is truly at peace with themselves when they have no hope. A dictionary definition of peace or peace of mind is “a feeling of being safe or protected”. When unsettled, the assurance of being safe and protected is likely non-existent. On the contrary, having an inner peace is a condition that will speak to you that everything is going to be ok, no matter the circumstances. Situations today will be gone tomorrow or surely sometime during eternity so why allow them to cling to you and become like a millstone around your neck. They should be treated like failures or an unwanted past where you won’t put up with them.
7. How can you be joyful when unhappy?
Though seemingly difficult, some believe that there can be joy when no happiness. Synonyms for joyful include: blissful, delighted, glad, gratified, happy, joyous, pleased, satisfied, thankful, and tickled. Keywords such as gratified, satisfied and thankful can lead you to determine that one can be joyful when unhappy. It is surely something to ponder to arrive at a conclusion that people justifiably claim joy even when not happy. Joy comes from peace within and that, I believe is how some find even unlikable situation tolerable and remain unshaken in their stance on joy.
8. How do you think clearly when your life is cluttered?
Clear thinking is a very important concept when it comes to being successful. I remember my days at GE Healthcare when we used the concept to help evaluate employee performance. If someone was a clear thinker, they were typically a higher performing employee than those who didn’t. How difficult is it for you to behave that way when your life is filled with distractions? One of my favorite books is Simplify, written by Bill Hybels. And yes, you guessed it, the book is a formula for uncluttering life, with the result being that the lack of clutter and distraction should result in more clear thinking.
As a final comment regarding these questions and emotions that flow uncontrollably from within us is that there are ways to change them. What we incorporate into our lives from books, movies, music, speeches, philosophies, and activities all impact our feelings and behavior. If what goes in is positive, wholesome and healthy, the likelihood that what comes out will be similar. And that is certainly something both you and I can control.