The second in the series of blogs regarding John Maxwell’s book The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. Last Saturday was the running of the 144th Kentucky Derby.  If you are even a casual gambler, you likely put some money on at least one horse in that race.  If not, you probably at least picked a horse to win.  I did, and I chose the winner.  The only problem was, I didn’t wager any money on it.  Nothing ventured, and nothing gained.  This blogs topic is my spin on John’s second Law of Growth: 

    Law 2: The Law Of The Mirror – You Must See Value In Yourself To Add Value To Yourself

Do you give yourself time to grow?  Your answer may be an emphatic yes or a resounding no.  Or, you may have good intentions and good beginnings and then tail off or take a break from it all together.  I would say that most people fall into the latter category.  After all, it is not only challenging to lay out a plan that you can accomplish, is measurable and attainable, but sustaining the execution of that plan is often flat-out difficult.  As the saying goes, life sometimes gets in the way.

When John talks about the mirror in his second law, he is referring to how you see yourself.  So, what do you experience when you peer into the mirror?  Do you like what you see and who you believe yourself to be?  In another book, John describes The Law Of The Lid, which defines how companies can grow based on the capability of leadership in the business.  If the lid is a “5”, the organization will only be able to sustain a “4” regarding growth. The cap on the business is the lid of the leaders.  The same is true of you and me.  If we allow ourselves to stop growing because we don’t invest in ourselves, we will have a ceiling to our capabilities.  The key to all of this is our self-image.  I was talking to a good friend today, and she told me that she was feeling good about herself and she has set a rigorous self-improvement course with steadfast determination.  I know she has a strong drive to achieve what she sets out to do, so I believe that she will be successful.  And the key ingredient is that because she feels good about herself, she will work hard at attaining her goals.  In other words, she will bet on herself.

It may happen, but if so, rarely will someone be able to attain and sustain success if they have a weak self-image. If someone has succeeded beyond the level of self-image, it is likely short-lived due to sabotaging themselves. That exists due to a lack of confidence or the sense of unworthiness.  If you have ever slid down the proverbial slope, you may know what I am referring to, as most of us have at different times in our lives. I remember one time in a high school basketball playoff game when my team was losing. The coach put me in with a little time left on the game clock.  I proceeded to get fouled and go to the free throw line for a 1 and 1.  I had the opportunity to get us closer to our opponent’s score, but I lacked the confidence after sitting on the bench the entire game and missed that shot and made no impact on the outcome.

John provides four ways to improve self-image. I will comment and add a fifth.  And for some, more than others, working on these five things can make a huge difference:

1.    Guard your self-talk:

Do you ever or often find yourself talking to “me”.  I do.  In fact, I do a relatively good bit of it.  When playing golf, I must be careful about negative self-talk.  Another time when I can talk negatively is when I have a flashback to something stupid that I have done, and it embarrasses me.  And who do you think is the most important person you listen to all day?  That’s right!  You!

2.    Add value to others to build self-image:

If you focus on helping others you will feel better about yourself.  You can lose the negativity by giving of yourself.  Good leadership is all about helping others be more successful.  By helping others, you are rewarded by seeing them improve and grow. The concept of servant leadership comes from being alongside others in their journey in a way that encourages and motivates them to want to stay the course in their lives. When you feel good about doing that you will feel good about yourself.

3.    Do the right thing even when it is the hard thing:

Though often difficult, this may be the most rewarding thing you can do.  It is like the truth versus a lie.  The lie is easier in the short term, but the truth has far greater long-term reward, such as freedom.

4.    Every day get a win:

Approaching each day with a goal in mind that will provide a positive affirmation for you is another important action to take.  Ask yourself each day: what today is going to give me a win and make me feel good about me?  That is why daily goal setting is so important.  Even if a small win, a win is a win.  This very morning, I established multiple goals and before 7 AM Mountain Time I had my first self-image enhancing win!  Yay! When I was coaching soccer coaching, I established a philosophy that I tried to ingrain in the teams that I coached.  That philosophy was that in every training session or match we would find a win, regardless of the outcome Small victories add up!

5.    Know who you are:

Knowing yourself is a fundamental requirement to having confidence and being able to plan improvement and execute the necessary steps to get there.  We all have a gap between who we are and who we want to become.  Being aware of various aspects of our lives helps with that ascension.  If you are a person of faith, you know that you are a child of God and what that means.  If you understand the five love languages and which are most prominent in your makeup you will be aware of relationship and behavior traits that are important.  If you are cognizant of your DISC profile, you will be mindful of your strengths and opportunities for growth.

If you believe in yourself, you will bet on yourself.  Why would someone else gamble on you if you aren’t willing to bet on yourself?  If you think you are worth it, you will invest in yourself. It all comes out of a positive self-image, and that can improve over time through intentional action steps. There is no ultimate end, but there is an exciting and affirming journey if you are willing to take it!